| Cutthroat Apathy |
[Dec. 23rd, 2008|12:56 am] |
Most of what I write on this site is depressing, and worse than that, it's boring. Any kind of catharsis I get out of writing down my thoughts is matched by the embarrassment of how incredibly dull these little diatribes sound when I re-read them later. There's just something about journaling my thoughts that makes me feel like I've committed a crime of tedium by publishing them.
So the gist of it is I don't think I'll be updating this site anymore.
CutthroatApathy is the name of a website. It is a comic/blog website that I am doing instead of this. It is not a terribly good website.
I've been wanting to make comics for a long enough time that I finally decided to actually do it, on the modest scale I'd wanted to, and see if it's any fun. I get more satisfaction with sharing things that I find interesting on the Internet than I do by sharing uninteresting things that I wish were interesting about my own life, so I'll be keeping the personal stuff to a minimum on this site. Instead I'll mostly be discussing the weekly comic I post, other comics I enjoy or don't enjoy, or just passing along cool things I find on the Internet or otherwise. The tedious life stuff will go into comic form where it will at least be accompanied by funny pictures.
If you actually read this journal, you may be mentally unstable, and the new site might be able to offer you something. See you there. |
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| Sarah L. Palin Will You Please Go Now! |
[Nov. 13th, 2008|10:36 pm] |
Courtesy of 236.com, all the words I need to use to describe how I feel about Sarah Palin now, then, and in the foreseeable future:
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A Plea to Sarah Palin
Ian Gurvitz
PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP, SARAH PALIN! SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOU'RE NOT QUALIFIED TO RUN FOR THE PRESIDENCY, NOW, OR FOUR YEARS FROM NOW! YOU WERE A CAMPAIGN GIMMICK. A HAIL MARY PASS BY A LOSING QUARTERBACK! YOU KNOW NOTHING! YOU ARE TOO DUMB TO BE ON THE NATIONAL STAGE! YOU JUST PLAYED JOHNNY MAC'S LADY MACBETH AND IT DIDN'T WORK OUT SO SHUT THE FUCK UP, NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR OPINIONS ON ANYTHING SO SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOU ARE NOT WORTHY! YOU LOST THE ELECTION! SHUT THE FUCK UP! GO BACK TO ALASKA AND STAY THERE WITH YOUR IRRITATING FAMILY AND SHUT THE FUCK UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP! THIS IS YOUR 2-MINUTE WARNING ON YOUR 15 MINUTES OF FAME! YOU'RE DONE! YOU'RE OVER! YOU BLEW THE ELECTION, THANK GOD! YOU'RE IRRELEVANT! SHUT THE FUCK UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP! NO, REALLY! NOBODY GIVES A SHIT THAT YOU OFFERED YOUR SERVICE TO THE COUNTRY! WE DON'T WANT YOUR SERVICE! WE'VE HAD 8 YEARS OF STUPID AND SMUG AND IT NEARLY RUINED US! WE'RE LOSING ONE GRINNING MEGALOMANIAC, WE DON'T NEED ANOTHER! OBAMA WON! YOU LOST! BECAUSE HE'S MORE QUALIFIED! YOU CANNOT BLUFF YOUR WAY INTO NATIONAL OFFICE, SO TAKE THAT FAKE SMALL-TOWN HUMILITY BULLSHIT AND SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOU CANNOT OUTSMART CITY FOLK BECAUSE WE'RE SMARTER THAN YOU SO SHUT THE FUCK UP! GO KILL A MOOSE! FIRE A RELATIVE! HUMP A SNOWPLOW! NOBODY CARES! JUST STAY AWAY FROM THE LOWER 48! YOU LOST! JUST BOW OUT GRACEFULLY AND SHUT THE FUCK UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP! GOD DOESN'T WANT YOU TO RUN! HE SHUT THE DOOR IN YOUR FACE! TAKE THE FUCKING HINT AND SHUT THE FUCK UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE GOVERNOR! IF MOOSE COULD VOTE IN ALASKA YOU'D BE GIVING HAND JOBS TO JOE SIXPACKS BEHIND THE LOCAL DINER! STAY HOME! PAL AROUND WITH TODD AND HIS SECESSIONST PALS! CALL PASTOR MUTHEE AND GET AN EXORCISM! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP! GET OFF THE NATIONAL STAGE! TAKE THAT NASALLY FUCKING VOICE AND THAT SELF-SATISFIED SMIRK AND YOUR IDIOTIC REACTIONARY BULLSHIT OPINIONS ABOUT THE REAL AMERICA AND SHUT THE FUCK UP! WE'RE THE REAL AMERICA AND IF YOU REALLY WANT TO SERVE US YOU NEED TO DO NOTHING MORE THAN TO PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP!!
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.... There. Thank you, Ian. All the Palin-related bile clogging up my brain is thoroughly soaked up here, and now I can finally think about other things and abandon the nervous twitch I adopted in early September. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. |
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| Nation Finally Shitty Enough To Make Social Progress |
[Nov. 5th, 2008|12:59 am] |
Yes we did!
Although polls going into the final weeks of October showed Sen. Obama in the lead, it remained unclear whether the failing economy, dilapidated housing market, crumbling national infrastructure, health care crisis, energy crisis, and five-year-long disastrous war in Iraq had made the nation crappy enough to rise above 300 years of racial prejudice and make lasting change.
"Today the American people have made their voices heard, and they have said, 'Things are finally as terrible as we're willing to tolerate," said Obama, addressing a crowd of unemployed, uninsured, and debt-ridden supporters. "To elect a black man, in this country, and at this time—these last eight years must have really broken you."
Added Obama, "It's a great day for our nation."
- The Onion
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Seriously though, this feels great. It's hard to describe what a "historic moment" feels like, but the best way I can put it is that it's a jarring, disorienting feeling of massive space being put between now and yesterday, or even a few hours ago. The last time I felt this way was 9/11/2001. Tonight feels better. |
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| Though this is stupidity, yet there is method in't |
[Oct. 31st, 2008|06:21 pm] |
It's like she invented a whole new breed of super-stupid.
Palin displays ignorance of 1st Amendment with bravado, panache
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Palin told WMAL-AM that her criticism of Obama's associations, like those with 1960s radical Bill Ayers and the Rev. Jeremiah Wright, should not be considered negative attacks. Rather, for reporters or columnists to suggest that it is going negative may constitute an attack that threatens a candidate's free speech rights under the Constitution, Palin said.
"If [the media] convince enough voters that that is negative campaigning, for me to call Barack Obama out on his associations," Palin told host Chris Plante, "then I don't know what the future of our country would be in terms of First Amendment rights and our ability to ask questions without fear of attacks by the mainstream media."
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Now, stupidity is easy to hate, but when someone's arrogant stupidity threatens to let them fall ass backwards into successfully abridging the rights of others, I hate so hard my temples ache. She's attempting to silence the media under the guise of upholding the 1st Amendment. Frankly, I think either she knows she's incorrect but is cynically trying to push the point anyway or doesn't care if she's right or not. If she's stupid, she's skillfully stupid. Because let's be real here, Alaska is what it is but you don't get to be governor of jack shit without knowing a thing or two about manipulation.
That's what I think is dangerous about the common misconception that Sarah Palin's main fault is lack of experience, or ditziness. She may come off as an airhead, and she might very well be an airhead, but she's a young airhead who has plenty of time to study up well enough that the "experience" argument won't hold up as well in 8, 12, 16, 20 years. But, barring a miracle, what she will retain is her single-minded, Us vs. Them, high school bitch political ambition -- if people don't wise up, it gives her plenty of time to put her abominable fantasies into reality.
But let's end on a high note. What gives me the most hope about this country's future is not the people's acceptance of Barack Obama; it's their rejection of Sarah Palin. Right now she's the least-liked candidate on either ticket. I can only hope that every day in the Oval Office (god willing he gets in there) Obama has in the back of his mind that anything less than a fucking ace job every day for four years opens up the door for Sarah the Jackhole to get her fingers on our Constitution. |
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| Why is Chris Matthews so awkwardly likable? |
[Oct. 31st, 2008|12:37 am] |
Like, a news anchor from a Christopher Guest or Judd Apatow movie.
Newsman or superfan?
He actually dedicates a daily portion of his show to a segment called "Sideshow" where a carousel spins in the background and they play clown music. This is during a show called "Hardball" allegedly about tough questions on serious political topics. As pictured above, today Matthews wore a Phillies hat and big stupid red sweater as he narrowed his eyes and spoke gravely about the presidential race.
In the infotainment of cable news, there really aren't many personalities I genuinely like. Fox News has Shepard Smith, who's on during the day, CNN has Campbell Brown, but otherwise the networks are void of likability. On MSNBC there is Rachel Maddow who is amazingly pleasant but sounds a little too hipstery in real life. I agree with Olbermann at least as often as not, but I would never want to meet the man and once I'm done gorging on election coverage Nov. 5th, I doubt I'll watch his show anymore.
Chris Matthews is in a league of his own. Beyond the ideologue spitting match moderator, he's half Fred Willard-esque man-child, half History Channel zealot, all oddball. I'm not quite sure why he's on television. He's well on his way to being a fascinatingly senile old man who I would eagerly have a very awkward conversations with over some ridiculous lunch like ribs and ice cream sandwiches. We'd talk old movies or antique slang and I'd keep a polite straight face and everyone once in awhile slip in a joke he half-gets but laughs anyway, maybe even simultaneously admitting he doesn't get it.
I think that's what it comes down to. At least two or three times per show, Matthews will laugh awkwardly at something that is either not a joke or not funny. Sometimes he's obtusely rude to guests but somehow without venom, usually cracking up as he sends them off into the void of a commercial break.
Part of me genuinely believes that news should be boring and that the blurring line between real news and Jon Stewart's fake news is a sign of the apocalypse. The other part is less of a douche and admits I wouldn't be watching the news if it was boring and that shit like Chris Matthews' show is too funny to let die. |
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| all youtube forwards, ALL THE TIME |
[Oct. 29th, 2008|09:10 pm] |
The latest McCain web ad comes courtesy of director David Lynch. Or whoever produced the videos for MK-ULTRA. It's not offensive -- it's just flat out fucked up. Tell me what you make of this.
I'm not sure who this is targeting. Aren't all the country's fear-prone voters already sufficiently shitting their pants? Are there sleeper cell voters whose voting directive is activated by flashing static and bad Photoshop? Are parents of kidnapped children supposed to get flashbacks of their tormentor's ransom video and instinctively vote against the dark man with the beady eyes?
And who made the call to use a font usually reserved for late-night newscasts about child rapists? What the fuck is going on here? This isn't Obama-booster rage I'm expressing (in all honestly I can't see this pushing many votes) -- this is me sitting down and being unable to process what I just watched. Maybe that's the intention? Well, luckily I already cast my vote, so if I wake up tomorrow morning with a dry mouth and an uncontrollable desire to vote Republican, I'm still in the clear. |
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| Jesus Christ Superbowl |
[Oct. 29th, 2008|12:45 pm] |
SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY
BE THERE
QUALCOMM STADIUM, SAN DIEGO
NOVEMBER FIRST
UNITED MASSIVE FASTING AND PRAYER
If it's reasonable to single out a "weirdest part", I'm surprised they got a Super Dave sound-alike to spread the word. In a video like this, priority #1 has really got to be "make it clear this is not satire". Apparently gravitas took priority this time. Unfortunate. |
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| Hell yes I <3 cable news |
[Oct. 20th, 2008|02:36 pm] |
So I'm at home and the TV's on MSNBC, there's that middle-of-the-day news churn going on. Within about five minutes, I get these two treats:
- A black Republican backing up Rush Limbaugh's assertion that Colin Powell's Obama endorsement was all about race.
- The white chick anchor and her white chick contributor agreeing that Amy Poehler is an excellent rapper.
Huzzah! |
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| If the shoe doesn't fit |
[Oct. 5th, 2008|03:11 pm] |
Shoe shopping with the kids today made me realize something, because my brain is always hungry for a new analogy. I'll set the context for what I'm talking about first.
Very typical scenario: The kid finds a shoe on the shelf, and that's all it takes. Before they even try them on, they know it's the shoe for them. So they plop them on and walk over to you with a big dopey grin on their face to get your approval, and the first thing you think is, "Wow, those shoes don't fit at all." You check the size on the box, and it's about two sizes too big for their feet. Just to be sure (because sometimes different manufacturers size things differently) you do the manual test. You press your thumb down in there and confirm: Their feet are swimming in these shoes.
So, it's time to be the bad guy: "Sorry honey, these shoes are way too big." There is only one possible response to your claim, and sure enough there it is: "No they aren't!"
This exact scenario happened today and I'm glad it did, because the magic of allegory helped me articulate to myself something that's been bothering me for awhile. Sarah Palin is a pair of shoes that don't fit. We suspected from the first glance, and delving into her background only heightened our suspicion. When given the manual test of multiple interviews and television appearances, she made it clear that she just wasn't cut out. But despite what they can see right before their own eyes, Palin supporters -- like little kids -- want the shoes so badly that they can't bring themselves to admit that they simply don't fit. |
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| arts and crafts |
[Sep. 27th, 2008|01:19 pm] |
Context:
__________________________________________________________________________
Although the fate of tonight's presidential debate in Mississippi remains very much up in the air, John McCain has apparently already won it -- if you believe an Internet ad an astute reader spotted next to this piece in the online edition of the Wall Street Journal this morning.
"McCain Wins Debate!" declares the ad which features a headshot of a smiling McCain with an American flag background. Another ad spotted by our eagle-eyed observer featured a quote from McCain campaign manager Rick Davis declaring: "McCain won the debate-- hands down."
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Photoshop:
 |
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| Throw up arms in air defeatedly |
[Sep. 26th, 2008|11:37 am] |
What the fuck is with the Internet and shitty grammar? It’s all over the place. I’m not talking about personal blogs or… forums or anything like that. If you want to comment on a ESPN.com story with indecipherable language, go for it. Frankly, it adds a zesty ‘Net flavor and makes it easier to skip over opinions of obvious morons while skimming.
I’m talking about shit like news organizations. Journalists who, presumably, have editors. I’ve been cruising the New York Times online this morning, and I've found two just plain careless mistakes in about as many hours. Like a repeated word or a missing word. I fully understand how that happens in an e-mail. How does it happen in an organization like the New York Times?
Wouldn’t someone get fired for this in the hard copy? Or is calling your online column a "blog" free you up to show millions of readers that your writers can't write? I used to get majorly embarrassed if our Nintendo news site would publish a review or feature with grammatical errors. Perez Hilton has every article proofread before posting it to a picture of Lindsay Lohan with cum scribbled on her face. This is the New York Fucking Times. The column I'm looking at has been up for four hours with no correction. |
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| Hup hup! Huzzah! |
[Sep. 25th, 2008|11:29 am] |
I think the greatest charity in the world exists between smokers. I don't think I've ever denied or been denied a cigarette when in need. It's odd that people are at their most giving when they're giving each other cancer. But it's almost like an unwritten bond. Parking lot attendants are almost always douchebags, especially on UF campus, so today when one let me leave my car illegally standing in a medical parking lot until I was done "enjoying" my cigarette, I knew he must be a fellow member of the club.
Last week I thought I was getting ahead of myself when I let myself believe autumn was coming to Florida. It wasn't really any cooler, there was just that smell in the air. But today I had to wear a sweatshirt that I didn't think would see daylight until at least late October, and then I remembered: northern Florida actually begins fall relatively on time. I might be able to actually wear that long-sleeve shirt I bought sooner than I thought. Summer should be back in a few days, but at least we've made a dent in the 90+ degree weeks on end. |
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| 2 + 2 = 5 |
[Sep. 25th, 2008|01:21 am] |
So, I'm not going to go through the list, but on such topics as
- confusing Spain with a possibly-hostile Latin American nation
- claiming two-year governorship of Alaska is equivalent to being America's #1 energy czar
- confirming yes, the economy is strong, if by economy you mean American workers
just the obviously not-true, you would have to be retarded to expect anyone is retarded enough to believe this, mountain-sized piles of bullshit. The good ones. Is it that we've gotten to a point where you can say 2 + 2 = 5, and if you're earnest and steadfast in the claim, at least 42% of Americans will believe you? Or 42% of Americans won't give a shit because of party loyalty?
Whichever it is, we've at least gotten to a point that personally, the scariest idea is not that a potential-president is lying so comfortably and cynically that they don't even bother making it sound like a possible truth, but that he might actually be saying what he believes to be the truth.
I don't buy it, but how terrifying would that be? |
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| A great story told poorly, or a poor story told anyway? |
[Sep. 21st, 2008|10:08 pm] |
It's just one of those days, where you read the entirety of a webcomic's backlog. I recognize that probably nobody but me has these kind of days.
Yesterday was one of those days where you drive to Jacksonville to see Barack Obama give a speech, and you add two hours to your drive time because Mapquest told you to take a right instead of a left, and the route you're taking is retarded anyway because getting to Jacksonville from Gainesville is as easy as taking I-75 to I-10, but you didn't ask to see the directions your girlfriend copied down until it was too late so you can't decide whether to blame yourself or her.
And then on the drive home after getting dinner you pass a big black tinted RV on the interstate that absolutely had to either contain Obama himself or his press detail, and you wave as you go by and point out your Gators For Obama sign in the rear window, and the driver gives you a thumbs up followed by that hand gesture you give to truckers so they blow their horn really loud, and so you beep, and for all you know he could just be a friendly guy in a conspicuous RV, and you really want to believe Obama is in there but you're just too damn big a cynic to let it go at that.
So you "follow" the RV by keeping about 200 yards in front of it in case it stops somewhere, and then it turns into a rest stop before you notice and you curse your luck.
And then you decide to succumb to the creeping doubt that you've missed your exit, so you make an illegal U-turn on a dirt path across the highway divider under a sign that says "NO U-TURNS, FOR OFFICIAL USE ONLY" and double-back, and then get directions from an old Asian woman at a gas station, and she's watching coverage of the Jacksonville Obama rally and you casually mention that you were "just there" and she seems kind of annoyed to have heard it but you're so starstruck you say it again anyway, and then on the way out you reflect that Asians seem particularly racist against blacks and you've yet to meet one over age 30 who likes Obama even if they've been life-long Democrats.
And then since she confirmed you'd been going the right way all along, you come upon the rest stop again and notice that the RV is still parked there, so you stop there and try to work up the nerve to just walk up to it and knock and ask if Obama is on there, and you completely lose any notion of political impartiality as you fantasize that he welcomes you onto his bus and asks for your opinion on politics and he's so sick of "doing all the talking" all the time that he just sits politely and absorbs everything you say and when you're done he says "You've given me a lot to think about" very sincerely and you get your picture with him and regret not having shaved that morning but it's so awesome you don't care.
And you use the rest stop bathroom while you're thinking about this and by the time you get out the RV is gone.
And you never pass it on the highway for the rest of the way even though your poor grasp of maths convinces you that you probably should have. And you can't decide if that ruins the story or adds a sense of mysticism to it.
Yesterday was just that kind of day. Tonight (or tomorrow) will be the kind of night where you upload the pictures you took and analyze how accurately the RV you saw on the highway matches the RV you saw Obama exit at the rally, and then curse the fact that you used a shitty camera phone for the exiting shot because you forgot your real camera was in your pocket the whole time. |
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| Night after night of the living dead |
[Sep. 15th, 2008|08:45 pm] |
I've been having recurring dreams about zombies. I always have to go out on some errand, and my car breaks down, and I have to get a new car because there are zombies running around trying to kill me.
First, it was the slightly-novel idea of an incoming zombie invasion broadcast on the news like an impending hurricane. People were holed up in our apartment and I had to make a last-ditch run for food or water or something, because there were too many people to wait out the crisis.
The whole dream had the feeling of recurrence, like it was the second zombie invasion that we had to wait out like that. It's always hard to tell in a dream if you actually had a similar dream before or if that's just part of the narrative your brain has set up for your current dream. Desiré lent me some insight on the matter when I told her about it: apparently I was screaming during a nap I'd taken earlier that day. So now I know I had a nightmare about being eaten alive by zombies. YES.
Last night was the same theme. My car broke down and I had to grab another car GTA-style before the zombie horde closed in, only I was too late and ended up hoofing it instead. (But I was okay after smacking some zombie-bitch up.)
I'm no Freudian, but I almost never have recurring dreams or nightmares, so I've been trying to figure out what this could mean. The only new constant anxiety I've been dealing with is the surge of McCain support post-Palin. Is it even possible to translate political anxieties into the possibility of being murdered on the street by the ravenous undead? Maybe I just need more bran in my diet, or something. |
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| Yep I'm lazy |
[Sep. 7th, 2008|02:31 pm] |
You know what would be lame? Facing the prospect of writing your memoirs with the same procrastination as other writing tasks. Because presumably you'd be old by then and maybe you put it off so long that you die and your life ends up being unverified by literary means.
Everything I do in my youth scares me when I think how I'll still be acting that way in my oldth (sp?). |
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| I thought it was already as heavy as can be |
[Sep. 4th, 2008|01:18 am] |
For the bulk of the Republican National Convention buzz tonight, Desiré suggested a drinking game of taking a shot every time someone mentions McCain's POW story. Not wanting to commit liquid suicide, I suggested a tamer version of the game that ruled one shot for every black person spotted in attendance. I have fond childhood memories of "Where's Waldo?" Somehow we forgot the game entirely by this evening, which partially explains why the booze in our apartment has such a long shelf life.
Watching Sarah Palin's speech felt like MK-ULTRA; the event was inexplicably uncomfortable to me. The room became much warmer and I found myself shifting anxiously in my seat, occasionally feeling the urge to shout back ineffectually at my television. I can't think of another real-life person that sounds so gleefully devisive and unapologetically single-minded. I feel stupid using a word like "evil" but there are so few times to apply that adjective to real life unironically.
After the speech, the Obama campaign's response leaned almost entirely on her lack of specifics in economic policy, which was chilling to hear like a dead phone line when you're about to call 911. Reading up on the woman was less than comforting. Someone matching Hillary Clinton's glory-seeking desire to evicerate in the political arena with George Bush's "with me or against me" religious fundamentalist philosophy is [i]frightening[/i] to me. Even throughout the entirety of the post-9/11 scare propaganda, I've never felt actually afraid of my or any other government. Tonight I feel very insignificant and very worried.
And yes Kevin I read about the library fiasco, and it fits well into her performance as the crusty PTA leader from Donnie Darko. |
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